MYSTICFIRE21's Xanga

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 21:57:56 GMT

video games are fuckin stupid.

new place

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:51:35 GMT

we move in on saturday, weve been painting and all. the place is pretty sweet. cathedral ceilings in the living room make it look bigger.

descision fission.

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 19:44:30 GMT

I have a lot that i could be doing right now, none of which i feel any inclination to actually do. At the start of today i had 11-16 pages of paper to write for two classes, philosophy and understanding people, respectively. After maybe 2 hours of work i wrote four of those pages, leaving a possible 7 pages to go if i do the minimums, which i most likely will do. I feel no motivation to get either of them finished, as they are both due on monday. gay.

a lot has been going on in my head that i havent written in here, out of sheer lack of time and motivation. so i guess ill fill in some of the empty spaces as i wait for ken to get home from work, which should be any minute now. So ill start with the main thing, lately ive been seriously considering joining the military. i have my reasons, but none of that matters because ultimately i decided that i shouldnt join. partly because ken doesnt want me to, and otherwise because i sympathize with kens reasonings and feel the same way. I dont want to be deployed, i dont want to be separated from him for evem one night. so military is a no go. but i do need to make a change in school. im going to pick up some crim courses next semester adn see how i like it. if i like it a lot ill change my major and keep psychology as my minor. then ill join the police force later on.. then who knows.. fbi? cia? something cool for sure.

we've bought a bunch of things for the estate, aka our new apartment. dan, ken, and i have made trips to walmart, target, kmart, furniture stores, best buy.. all kinds of places and we've bought almost all of our kitchen necessities and bedroom stuff. and almost all of our bathroom stuff too. along with a sick blueray dvd surround sound thing and an entertainment center for the living room. we've spent crazy amounts of money, so hopefully when we move in itll feel a lot like home. settlement in tuesday, october 27th, and we'll move in hopefully that following weekend, if everything goes as planned.

ok well, kens home so i now have more important things to do. =]

oh. p.s.. my snowboard arrived today via fedex. its sweet. the bindings are extra nice too. =]

moving, school, stress etc..

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 15:32:06 GMT

Ive been super super super stressed lately... theres just a lot going on. I got into a huge fight with jenn.. like yelling and everything. it was bad. im embarrassed that ken and dan saw me get so angry. i usually keep my cool pretty well i think. im moving out of the condo on tuesday, and im not sure how my relationship with jenn will stand after this. Dan has been looking at condos /townhouses for a while now, we should hear back from this one lady today. they placed a bid sometime last week. It seems like a nice place, sky lights and stuff in the living room. its definitely a lot brighter than the langer's condo... which is perpetually dark.

Im spending my day in the library today, i have a lot to get done. I have a debate on friday which i need to prepare for as well as write a paper for. I have a philosophy test on wednesday which is completely going to own my face. I have various comp work to do all the time as well as finish the reluctant fundamentalist and make sure i know all of the questions that go along with that. Im supposed to be reading 'the descent of women' for my people class. buuuut i ahvent bought that yet.. well actually i ahve, it just hasnt come yet. bitches. so yeah i have a lot to do on top of moving out tomorrow, work, and the normal everyday stuff that i have to do. So after psych im going to prepare for comp and do all of the stuff ive been stacking on in the last week or so.. then im going to read the stuff in the debate book concerning my topic and hopefully start my paper. its going to be a long day.. and who knows maybe ill actually get something to eat in the mean time as well. we'll see.

alright, well i have to go to psych... so i guess ill update later on how all that went and whatnot.

class all day, kenny all night

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 12:10:31 GMT

I woke up with this crazy feeling. I feel completely and utterly unmotivated for the day, i dont want to do anything! i have a lot of school work to do/ catch up on today, and i really just would rather not. So i have to leave for class in like 20-25 mins. then i have to read an article for psych, go to psych and take a quiz on it, then i have a 4 hour break- in which i need to read articles and write a thng for philosphy. which is my last class after comp which i did all the work i could do for. unmotivated... bad.

but good news, i dont have school tomorrow and i get to see kenny tonight. which always always always makes me feel 1000 times better.

A Rainy Day is an Opportunity

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 19:37:38 GMT

So my life, although just drastically changed from before, has fallen into an unsteady routine. which may or may not seem contradictory to you. school does that though. it forces you to have a sort of schedule, like it or not. i don't mind. somehow i still fall asleep in ken's arms every night, which is exactly where i want/need to be. for the past two days i've been staying at his house, so he's gone for the better part of the day- at work. and in those hours i suppose i do whatever i can to occupy myself. yesterday, i felt horrible, completely uncomfortable and a pounding, light-burning-my eyes, everything-too-loud, nauseating migraine. i forcibly slept for most of the day, which lead to a heavy nyquil dosage at night to help me sleep more. today was different though. i feel better, and no head ache. so this morning i hung out with Ryan a little bit, came back to ken's house for lunch with him on his break, then he went to work again. i laid around, went online and stuff, we planned our night together, and then i went to Pitman. I tried calling Olivia to see if she wanted to go with me, but she didn't answer. no surprise there. its been raining all day, so i actually used my umbrella as i walked broadstreet. basically, all i was thinking about was all the stuff i could do with ken there. Like go to the ground house on an open mic night, eat at that new barcelona place. go to the bakery and get stuff to eat at the park, go to bobs hobby shop and pick up some arts and crafts stuff.. like some sort of model airplane or car to build together... or go to the pitman broadway place to see a movie.. eat spaghetti..lol.. go to the tea place and try a bunch of teas.. sit on a bench and drink lemonade. force him to try a bunch of chinese food at Ming Lok. lol, theres so much we could do. =] anyway, i walked down one side and walked back up the other. it took a little while, and in that while i got really damp, spite the umbrella. lol. when i got in my car, i defrosted the windows, which got a little foggy. and as i sat there, i saw this little boy, maybe 4th grade, shorts and a t-shirt, glasses speckled with rain, getting absolutely soaked. i watched him walk by my car, so i pulled out and then went around some other cars that were parked along the road, pulled back in, rolled down my passenger side window, and handed him my umbrella through it. he gave me a smile of gratitude, said thanks, and walked away, opening it. and then i pulled away as he turned the corner.

I'm going to spend the rest of my rainy day showing Ken how much he means to me. I am a lucky, lucky girl.

college

Sat, 05 Sep 2009 02:34:54 GMT

exactly like high school. except the instructors are called professors. and they curse at you. andddddddddd they dont really care if u show up.

starting over.

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 17:27:31 GMT

so for a while ive been giving titles to all of my entries, titles that i actually sit and think about for a sencond before i type. and i think this one is appropriately titled. theres a lot that needs to be covered in this blog. ive been slacking on here.. mostly bc ive found better things to do or had something more important to take care of.

i didnt read my last blog before i wrote this one, so i hope i didnt already updated everything.. id hate to waste my time repeating myself. especially because id only be repeating myself to myself, since no one reads this thing, anyhow... lets get started

a few weeks ago mom kicked me out of the house, i lived with kenny for a week, and then moved myself to florida for the rest of the summer. i work at my dads cheesesteak place.. which is actually a lot of fun. i get to talk to people from up north a lot. i work with people and they are friendly.. well the majority of them anyhow. i make tips and hourly. its ok. better than dominos fo sho.

anyway, ive been here for a couple of weeks, kenny just came down for this past week. i love having him here... sleeping with him.. making simple decisions with him. like what were gonna have for lunch, or what movie to watch. i dont know what it is about him.. about us.. but these little decisions.. i feel like i want to make all of my little decisions with him for forever. not that i cant do it on my own, bc he knows, i know, god knows, i can take care of myself when it comes down to it. hes more like my partner. i like to decide things with him. i love waking up to him, and hugging him right after he takes a shower, holding his hand and going for little walks, talking about nothing and loving it. we literally sat around for the majority of the week and just enjoyed each others company. and just doing that.. simply being with him makes me so happy. im in love with him, so so so in love. well i dropped him off at the airport today and held myself together pretty ok... teared up a little saying goodbye, but we were mostly ok. nothing that my sunglasses couldnt hide when i got back into my dads truck. walking away was so hard... i wanted to stay with him until he boarded.... i wish airports worked like that, i rly do. the ride home wasnt so bad, i talked with my dad.. we talked about ken a little. my dad likes him which is good... we talked about people and how we dont understand people who lie and manipulate others.. my dad and i have a lot in common in that way... we see the world kind of similarly... and its silly that my mom always made him out to be such a bad guy, he really isnt. aaaaannnnyyyywayyyy, i got home and walked into my bedroom, and i swear to you, i have never ever ever felt the kind of emptiness i felt then.. without him. something is so so so missing. i need him, i swear i do. 3 weeks wont come and go fast enough.

cant help but to smile.

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 02:59:20 GMT

this boy...

makes everyday a good day.

catching up

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 14:37:25 GMT

well a lot has happened in the almost 2 months that i havent updated this. i couldnt remember the password to this site.. its usually just saved when i come here, so i never needed to remember it. i just gave up for a while. but i remembered this morning somehow, so here i am. so what has changed? well for one, i graduated high school. i feel like i would've had some crazy long post about it if i couldve gotten in here at the time. but for now im just gonna say that it was a time that ill never forget, of course. the delsea class of 2009 will always mean something huge to me. although graduation doesnt seem like that big of a deal now. project grad was awesome. i basically chilled with brian and alicia all night. which seems weird. we were a huge group in the beginning, just like senior trip, i but i guess we realized that big group wasnt gonna work and split up. and through people exchanging, somehow jenn and anne ended up hanging out and i hung with b and alicia. i had a great time, it was just weird that i wasnt with anne and jenn. there was this one ride thats kinda like the double shot in OC, that brian and i rode over and over and over again. good times.

what else? kelly. lets talk about kelly. at the end of the school year she pulled me over to the side of the hallway by rosa's room and said she needed to talk- broke down into tears about how she fucked everything up between us, and how her and gab arent as good of friends, and how she doesnt want to be with neil and how she told him that but he doesnt get it and blah blah. well, i comforted her, hugged her, and told her that her and i were fine. i really wanted kel and i to graduate as friends. and we did. i signed her year book all nicey-nice and everything. well then i go on facebook and get a notification that her and neil are "in a relationship" and as much as that shouldnt bother me, youre fucking right if u think it did. the bitch was telling me over and over how she didnt want to be with him and how she wanted me and her to patch things up and all, and then she goes and makes things more serious by puttin herself in an actual relationship with him. so i pressed the like button under the status. bc u know what? thats something that deserves a fucking sarcastic thumbs up. way to go, you lying whore. well then she commented me saying that i just like to comment on shit to start stuff. and all i said was "i hope that being with neil when you dont really want to be, fills the void that ryan left in you" so BOOM mother fucker. and then i took them both off of my face book so that i dont hear about anything about/from/pertaining to them. which leads me to my next thing.. im much happier now

why? kenny. i mentioned kenny once in the last post i made two months ago. well a lot has happened since then. for one, jenn stopped hanging out with us. the whole her and dan thing got really weird really quick. especially with jess in the picture. jess is this skinny brunette chick that dans seeing currently. anyway kenny and i do everything together basically. hes my wing man at boring grad parties, pancakes at the ground house, sitting by the lake, chocolate milkshakes at midnight, trips to parvins, drunken nights, movie nights, regular nights, he takes care of me when im sick, lets me try to drive his car, brings me places and introduces me to his family, he kisses me like he means it, and i swear i hold him like i never want to let go. in the last 2 months ive helped him through a break up, seen him through a stalker, and fallen for him hard myself. it happened fast, but its real, and its crazy.

i got a new tattoo on my foot, its a serotonin molecule. i like it. i forget that i have it all the time. jenn got one too. hers is like a celtic clover thing, tri-colored like my first one except with the german flag colors. its neat. ok.. im done with this. later.

oh and i deleted myspace. just sayin